To all my (much appreciated) followers, with love

Please follow The Silent Angels Blog and comment on the first draft of Chapter 1…and receive a copy of the completed novel free, when it’s finished!

The Silent Angels

I just did something a little bit dumb. I blame it on the late night last night with wine and my laptop, when I couldn’t stop writing, writing, writing and then realised it was 3am. I’m tired, but in a good way!

So I have just asked two of my followers if they would mind proof reading the first rough draft of Chapter 1. I have had a very positive response from one fellow blogger and writer (of brilliant things!) and have just this second posted an another lovely lady’s about page, begging for her assistance. Then I thought, let’s see how many followers I’ve got. I can’t believe, 89! What???????!!!

I just started this blog really to organise my thoughts, squiggles and doodles, ideas and brainstorms for my new book. I didn’t intend to get as many people actually reading!

It’s great though. THANK YOU!

So what I…

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2nd Draft Chapter 1 Scene 1 Casey’s Story

The Silent Angels

I was having one of those bad feelings that sometimes sneak up on me out of nowhere, making my heart trip out and my vision turn tunnel white. I glanced up at the girl driving, her bright blue dreadlocks bathed in late afternoon sun light. Of course, squashed up next to Lee in her 4×4 heading out of London, I didn’t want to dwell on it. Not after the previous two months of trying to persuade Mum to finally throw away the metaphorical diaper she was still trying to make me wear and Dad to chill the heck out and realise I am no longer his little girl.  I hadn’t seen Lee in so long, I had forgotten how excruciatingly dull my life could be when I was stuck at home and he was at Uni. I wasn’t about to let some stuck up goth-bitch called Annabelle swipe all my joy…

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The Silent Angels. Chapter 1 Scene 1 Rough draft

Squashed up next to Lee in the 4×4 heading out of London, I had one of those bad feelings that sneak up on you out of nowhere, making your heart trip out and your vision turn tunnel white for a second. But of course, I didn’t want to dwell on it. Not after the previous two months of trying to persuade Mum to finally throw away the metaphorical diapers she was still trying to make me wear and Dad to chill the heck out and realise I am no longer his little girl.  I hadn’t seen Lee in so long, I had forgotten how excruciatingly dull my life could be when I was stuck at home and he was at Uni. I wasn’t about to let some stuck up goth called Annabelle swipe all my joy and stuff it into her scarf laden, fringed leather death bag she carried everywhere with her. This was my time. Mine and Lee’s.

I could feel Lee’s thigh radiating delicious warmth through my thin jeans and I could smell his fresh ‘apres’- shower skin scent which comforted me as Annabelle’s horrifying erratic driving threw him against me relentlessly in the back seat. His hand was clutching my shoulder ready to pull me into him at just the right second before he squished me against the side door. Lost in the simultaneous revving and screeching of brakes  and The Red Hot Chili Peppers blaring out of the stereo, was Joel’s voice, cursing Annabelle and her obviously distorted sense of immortality. It made me really pissed that a) she was the only one who had a car and therefore had the power to decide our destiny of death at any point before arriving at our destination, b) she was monopolizing the mood by playing one hell of a boring album over and over again on her stereo, and one which no one else liked judging by Joel’s (futile) attempts to eject it and c) she kept glancing in the front mirror, or whatever the correct name for it is, and checking out Lee. My boyfriend Lee. I tried to sneer at her but she seemed not to notice anything else going on around her. Including the fact that we were hurtling down country lanes at that point, almost overturning into ditches and hedgerows alongside us.

”Anna, for frack’s sake!” blurted Joel in the front seat. He then leaned right across towards her, despite the rest of us being thrown the opposite way, grabbed the steering wheel attempting to turn it, but resulting in a pile of groping hands as Annabelle stuck her ground and revved up, lurching the SUV and almost stalling it.

”Joeeeeeeeeeeel Mackie!” she wailed and suddenly we were at a stand still and silence pervaded. Except the stupid Chili Peppers singing about ‘Californication’. I bloody hate that song.

Lee started laughing and mumbled something about Joel being a dickweed and Joel ejected the CD and launched it behind him. It hit Simon on the side of the head and he cursed before winding down the window and hurling it out into the field. ”At least it settled in a final location!” He mocked the Californication lyrics as it arched into the corn field haze, one last glint on its shiny edge before it disappeared forever.

”You’re both twats. Joel get out and Simon… you owe me a CD. Unless you feel like going and fetching it?” Annabelle twisted round in her seat and glared at Simon, her catlike green goth eyes catching the sunlight, making her look demonic. Maybe she was. I was certainly starting to think so.

Joel remained seated, laughing. He was doing one of those silent laughs that you can’t hear but his shoulders were shaking and occasionally he snorted, unable to contain it. Simon stared out the window, biting the skin around his fingers defiantly. Annabelle made us all jolt by bringing her bracelet clad fist down on the beeper and pushing Joel by his shoulder so hard that he thumped against the side door and a hollow sound of his head contacting glass was heard. Lee was snorting with laughter by then and I couldn’t help it either. Annabelle looked at us through the mirror and glared right at me. Lee didn’t notice, he was leaning over to Simon and trying to flick his ear. Simon put his hand up and told Lee where to go in a ‘making love’ kind of way. Lee winked at me and Annabelle started the engine.

No one spoke for ages. Annabelle drove, slightly slower than before, while Lee kept whispering in my ear and telling me stuff about his friends, like how Simon was always arsy and that Annabelle and him (Simon)had a love-hate relationship. Today they were all about the hate, clearly.

Joel started rustling around in his backpack that was down by his feet, throwing out all sorts of crap before he found what he was looking for. Grinning mischievously he held up a green CD case and triumphantly started flicking through it. Simon tutted and shouted ”Jesus no!” and Lee whispered to me, ”90s Indie every time.”

Annabelle gave him one of her black nail-polished finger gestures as he inserted it in the player. Joel’s head started bopping as the first track began.

A girl consumed by fire
We all know her desire
From the plans that she has made
I have her on a promise
Immerse me in your splendor
All the plans that i have made.*

We trundled deeper into the countryside, the sun making its descent down, tickling the tips of the trees and casting shadows across the fields. Birds flocked and dispersed off in different directions like flecks of black ink spreading across ancient yellowing paper. Peace seemed to settle around us as we all sat in silence, Annabelle sitting statue-like at the wheel, the setting sun spilling an orange glow through the driver’s window, catching the metallic engravings in her bracelets which glowed like tiny lasers. Joel had his knees hooked up on the dashboard, slumped down in the deep passenger seat, a light hum escaping his lips as his head nodded in time to the music. Simon’s face was still turned away, his skinny frame pressed against the door, his cheek resting on his bony knee. He was smoking, the aroma that snuck in through the slightly open window giving me crazy cravings. Lee didn’t like that I smoked, but he knew he couldn’t stop me. He worried about my health. That was Lee, though, worrying about everyone. I couldn’t wait to get there and have a rolley even though I was thoroughly enjoying my close proximity to Lee as we hurtled further and further into rural remoteness, closer and closer to the abandoned building.

”What time does Chlo finish work?” Lee asked no-one in particular. Simon shrugged his shoulders and Joel twisted round, grinning and then sticking his bottom lip out at me. I had to laugh even though his reaction was totally useless. Annabelle stirred out of her comatose state and said,

”9:30. I’m going to fetch her from the boutique. You coming with me, or…?”

Rather than wonder what Chloe was doing at work until that late, my mind went straight to that last sentence. You coming with me or…what was she on? I felt myself stiffen and I squeezed Lee’s hand a bit too tight. He flinched and I felt terrible, almost as if my inflicting a nano second of pain on him would make him leave with her later after all. Her dark eyes were fixed on him through that mirror and she waited.

”Not. He’s not actually.”

Had I said that out loud? I side-glanced at Lee and deduced that yes, I had. He was looking at me sideways as well, a slight smirk up turning his lip, but not wanting to smile too widely as he wasn’t sure how Annabelle was about to react.

”Excuse me?”

Black eyes right on me. I thought she was going to stop the car and get out to deck me, such a glare did she direct towards me.


Simon coughed and I heard him light another cigarette.

Her driving got more aggressive I’m sure of it. She wrestled with the gears for a second and said something derogatory under her breath before almost shouting, ”Lee? Are you coming with me or not?”

”Anna..please.” I sensed he felt awkward as his voice was tense and unnatural. ”Let me stay here and sort out the stuff. I can’t just leave Case on the first evening.”

Yes! Lee pulled me closer to him and I melted in. He kissed me tenderly on the forehead and rested his chin on the top of my head, I think he was staring outside at the darkening sky, trying to avoid looking in the mirror.

No one spoke again. Joel kept having weird outbursts of lyric crazy which I think he did to antagonize Annabelle because he would go in with a loud death metal-like attitude, leaning over to almost touch her cheek with his nose before letting rip. Her fingers were tap, tap, tapping on the steering wheel and I could feel her disdain. It reeked in that car as we turned into the entrance of the building. The dirt track had so far been lined with trees, hiding their inner world within the cloak of the dusk clouds. Although it was getting darker, Simon knew where he was and suddenly sat up and directed Annabelle through the open gate, gravel chattering as it flew into the mud guards of the SUV. We crawled down a narrower track and soon a dark shape could be seen in the distance. It was a huge building.

Annabelle parked up and stopped the engine. We all piled out into the cool darkness, our shoes scratching on the gravel as we looked around blindly, trying to see something, anything.

”Where’s the torch, Jo?” Simon asked as he turned and opened the door again, rummaging around on the floor of the car. ”You did put it in didn’t you?”

Joel’s round face was just visible and he looked at Simon alarmed. Suddenly, a blinding light shot across our faces and Joel giggled, making the beam dance all around us, darting onto Annabelle’s blue dreadlocks, Lee’s freckled nose and then onto Simon’s scowling face.

”Give it here you asswipe,” Simon said as he swiped it out of Joel’s hand. ”You are such a tool. Can’t you just do something without the prickness involved?’

Lee sniggered and cuddled me in the dark. Annabelle had already started walking so Simon shone the torchlight straight ahead of us. As we approached the front door, Simon directed the beam upwards and across, giving us a panorama of the building that we would be spending the next week in. To describe it as awesome would not have done it justice. I stared up at it, its Victorian splendor towering over us.

”Welcome to Crowbray School for Girls,” whispered Simon, slowly swiping the torchlight across the arched windows. ”One of the most haunted buildings in rural Essex.”

lillesden school





*The Stone Roses~ This is the One

I’m thinking……

……..about how this blog has been thoroughly neglected and how I can rectify that. There are so many things going on in my head lately that I should use this blog to explore those. I just end up spending my ‘spare’ time on other things, like writing, mainly. Even my frickin Art therapy diploma is all about writing at the moment! I was given some gorgeous art journals for christmas and they would be perfect for starting my creative journey and exploring ideas in a visual way, but again, I haven’t got time.

I wish I could give up work but yes, like that’s going to happen.

How do other people cope with all this frustration?

Am I really that crap at time management? Am I trying to do too much?

Here’s what I want to do, just an indulgent brainstorm and not in any particular order based on preference:

  • art journaling relating to my diploma
  • develop my oracle cards into a complete pack and sell them
  • keep up to date with my Counselling journal
  • take photos everyday and make a blog journal of them instead of just having them on my phone.
  • get to do some URBEX
  • explore the city where I live
  • get pregnant
  • buy a house/flat
  • decorate current flat and buy more interior stuff that looks like it matches
  • The Silent Angels novel
  • develop Lee’s story on my Abandoned blogsite and add other features
  • write more articles for Birds Become Fishes website (
  • sort out my facebook page for Birds Become Fishes (
  • sort out my online shop on Etsy. It has literally got nothing for sale in it. (
  • do some exercise like jogging
  • actually begin the yoga dvd I bought
  • find out what foods I am allergic to
  • make a ‘dream board’ to attract all these things and get it all out there into our marvelous universe
  • find out how to get a job in Canada (the ultimate dream)
  • stop making lists because that will mean I am actually achieving some of these things on it!


Anyone? Please? Any advice or words of wisdom as of how to begin going about achieving?

I’ve done it here, haven’t I? Given myself too many articles to read which will make me feel overwhelmed with stuff that I have to do to find more time to do everything else!

Oh crap.

Maybe this will help:

Step 1: Happy mood
  • If you happen to read the paper in the morning, postpone your update of the news to the evening, it is often very negative anyway and can have a bad influence on the day.  Being updated once per day on the Snowden Chase should be enough, don’t you think?
  • Listen to some good music instead to get you ready for some action!
  • If you have the liberty, change your environment from where you work! This will charge your inspiration! Go to the bookstore or library, or a coffee shop. Go to the location that works best for you.

Step 2: Daily goals

  • Review your personal goals and deadline for the next weeks. In which direction are you heading? Do you have to present your project to an audience in two weeks time? Then get to the preparation.
  • Write down 4-5 things that you would like to accomplish today. Actions like: finish a presentation, reserve the room, schedule a phone call for an interview etc.
  • Use the tool you prefer for this, whether it is a traditional notepad, or an app. Whatever is best for you, but just stick to one tool! If you like to use an app for this, I have been using Asana, it is works very well for this.

    Step 3: Avoid distractions

    • Put your smartphone out of sight (and on silence).
    • Clean up your desk, if you have non-relevant papers lying around.
    • If you have to work on the computer, only open the windows that you have to work on, not more.
    • To turn off online distractions, make use of Self Control (Mac) or Freedom (PC) to lock distracting sites while you want to get things done (I have not used these personally, but they were recommended to me, maybe you give them a try and let me know!).
    • Postpone your emails to later, be productive first (I admit, this is not so easy to do at first, but once you get past the pain point, it is worthwhile!).


    Step 4: Organize your day

    • Dedicate specific time slots  to your productive time, for breaks (!), your email time, your phone call etc. Try to get a daily routine in, that should help you. For instance, schedule all your important phone calls for the early afternoon, so you can work on the most important things in the morning.
    • If your calendar is externally-steered through meetings etc., try to limit the number of meetings to those, which you really need to attend. Learn to say no! Decline those for which they have not sent you an agenda!


    Step 5: Focus to Get it Done

    Focus on the first thing first. When you are done, you can focus on the next one. One thing at a time.

    Step 6: Regain Focus

    It happens to all of us. We get distracted nonetheless, and that is fine, if it does not happen too often. Regain focus by asking yourself this simple question: “If you had a heart attack and had to work two hours per day, what would you do?” (Tim Ferris).

    Step 7: Review & Relax

    • Review what you have accomplished today! Probably more than a lot of people would have accomplished in three days!
    • Acknowledge it and be proud!
    • Have a relaxing evening!



Ok, I admit it. Let’s get down to the bare bones of it. What I am doing now……


2013-09-05 18.53.21

I don’t even remember when my last post was.

Instead of trying to retrace my steps back over the last (at least) year and try and catch up, which will be plain impossible, I will just say this:

Presently. Full time job, one evening overtime. Counselling course. Art Therapy diploma.

Say what?

Monday and Tuesday I work from 8:30am til 4pm.

Wednesday I work from 8:30am 5:30pm then go to college for the Counselling from 6pm til 9pm.

Thursday 8:30am til 9pm work.

Friday normal working day.

Saturday lye in, housework, shopping. Evening: Writing for my new book The Silent Angels.

Sunday. College work, writing and chill out.

In conclusion. No time for writing a blog!

Well, I lie. I am currently involved in writing a number of blogs:

Now, about my new novel. Instead of my rattling on about it here, please visit the site:

I have also made a site to explore a few other avenues and twists around the Abandoned novelette:

and of course to continue the real life story of Casey, here she is:

I am thoroughly enjoying this. All of it. Well not so much the work, but that’s another story. One that I don’t want to waste my weekend writing about.

To be continued in the next post….entitled something along the lines of ‘what I wish I was doing now and how can I…?’