Absorption & my downward spiral (other people’s emotions)

Some people just breeze through their days, blissfully ignorant (or maybe just plain ‘not arsed in the slightest’) of other people’s emotional states. Me? No. I can’t, just CAN’T keep my positive head above water and get on with what I have to do. I know it sounds selfish, but please understand, it feels like I disappear, I kind of…evaporate as though I turn to dust. Immediately, as soon as I sense someone in my proximity feels bad, upset (or anything at all, quite frankly)…whatever I had been feeling PING! gone. Suddenly I am two people, me…or a strange, dislocated, out-of-the-body experience me…and this other person. They don’t even have to confide in me, I just GET it. Plonk.

I am in darkness, despair, a tunnel of never ending greyness…….I feel everything. I see images that do not belong to me. I imagine nightmare scenarios, the causes of these emotions, what has this person been through to have this hanging over them like an eternal rain cloud from hell?!

I can’t snap out of it. I walk around deep in this abyss of THEIR life….as if it’s mine. I talk to them,I try and make them feel better, I really do…but at the end of the day, (as well as being night) I feel worse than them. They know where the root of the distress came from. They were there when this repetitive torment started up. I wasn’t. I can’t switch it off. Because I don’t have the switch. They are laughing but I am still emotionally flailing.

I don’t like it. If I become that blissful ignorant or that ‘not arsed in the slightest’ then I become a bad human being. I don’t want that.

Feeling: scratched at from the inside. Irritable. I need peace ans space from other people’s vibes.
 Eating: Left overs…. tortilla with cold chicken, a few sprinkled sweet corns, humous and cheese
Drinking: tea. simple and comforting
Wearing: Leggings. Hippie smock. Comfortable.
Wanting: to be somewhere warm. I miss Greece and I’ve just heard from a friend of a friend who lives in my old neighbourhood. (Sniff.  )
Weather: It was lovely today. Aromas of Spring. But not as flavoursome as Greek Spring
Enjoying: thinking about the past….
Thinking: how we try so hard to be happy…do we have any control over our fates? Really?
 Needing: sun and peace
Listening: too many vibes and voices that are not mine
I so need to switch off……
Advertisements