Absorption & my downward spiral (other people’s emotions)

Some people just breeze through their days, blissfully ignorant (or maybe just plain ‘not arsed in the slightest’) of other people’s emotional states. Me? No. I can’t, just CAN’T keep my positive head above water and get on with what I have to do. I know it sounds selfish, but please understand, it feels like I disappear, I kind of…evaporate as though I turn to dust. Immediately, as soon as I sense someone in my proximity feels bad, upset (or anything at all, quite frankly)…whatever I had been feeling PING! gone. Suddenly I am two people, me…or a strange, dislocated, out-of-the-body experience me…and this other person. They don’t even have to confide in me, I just GET it. Plonk.

I am in darkness, despair, a tunnel of never ending greyness…….I feel everything. I see images that do not belong to me. I imagine nightmare scenarios, the causes of these emotions, what has this person been through to have this hanging over them like an eternal rain cloud from hell?!

I can’t snap out of it. I walk around deep in this abyss of THEIR life….as if it’s mine. I talk to them,I try and make them feel better, I really do…but at the end of the day, (as well as being night) I feel worse than them. They know where the root of the distress came from. They were there when this repetitive torment started up. I wasn’t. I can’t switch it off. Because I don’t have the switch. They are laughing but I am still emotionally flailing.

I don’t like it. If I become that blissful ignorant or that ‘not arsed in the slightest’ then I become a bad human being. I don’t want that.

Feeling: scratched at from the inside. Irritable. I need peace ans space from other people’s vibes.
 Eating: Left overs…. tortilla with cold chicken, a few sprinkled sweet corns, humous and cheese
Drinking: tea. simple and comforting
Wearing: Leggings. Hippie smock. Comfortable.
Wanting: to be somewhere warm. I miss Greece and I’ve just heard from a friend of a friend who lives in my old neighbourhood. (Sniff.  )
Weather: It was lovely today. Aromas of Spring. But not as flavoursome as Greek Spring
Enjoying: thinking about the past….
Thinking: how we try so hard to be happy…do we have any control over our fates? Really?
 Needing: sun and peace
Listening: too many vibes and voices that are not mine
I so need to switch off……

Hello, Ola, Bonjour! Yes, I’m still alive!

It’s been almost a month…what? Yes, it’s unbelievable how time has flown. Since I posted my first blog here on wordpress, I’ve moved out of my little house with Fiance and am now living back home with my mum. And Fiance. It has been……eventful!

Anyhoo….I just thought I would check in and post this video. I KNOW I said no plugging of business ideas or productumundios, but hey….it’s just a video! You don’t have to buy anything!

Relax and enjoy the soothing music….comments on the work are very, very welcome as long as they’re not too rude or likely to send me sliding into a dusty corner to cry into my sketchbook.

Promise, Promise, Promise to blog regularly once my living and working environment is all in place. Stress city! I don’t want to spend any more time down Insane Lane either!

Bye for now lovely bubbly people, and be careful on the ice packed roads.

S xxx

listen: Zaz ~Je Veux. She makes me so flippin’ happy! Should be an alarm clock song…. 

”I want love, joy and high spirits,

It’s not your money that’ll make me happy.

I want to die with a hand on my heart.

Let’s go together, let’s discover my freedom,

Forget all your prejudice.

Welcome to my reality.”